Childhood Memory

That title is deceptive. Why do we automatically think it will be a pleasant memory?

I've recently been able to articulate how my memory works: I remember thoughts in conjunction with places. Sometimes when I'm in a specific space, I'll remember exactly what I thought about in that place. This happens all the time when I'm walking different routes to school.

For example, I remember the day I learned everyone would die, including me. I was probably 5 or 6. I was looking at our toaster oven in the kitchen. Mom was getting something ready for dinner. I asked her about death, and she said "Everyone dies," and for the first time I realized that meant me too.

I remember understanding this, while looking at my reflection in the toaster. It felt so unfair, not me. Surely, I was different. It had never occurred to me before that I would die. I think there's something powerful in that memory for me because it was the beginning of consciousness, but I also remember the feeling of shock that accompanied this new knowledge, and I remember, ever so slightly, the impression of immortality that I had as a child before I said to myself that I too would die.