Thursday, February 19, 2009

Can I officially freak out now?

My guts are in my throat. And my left thumb has developed a nervous tick... it keeps sporadically twitching, twitching, twitching, and I can't stop it. It will start even as I'm trying to relax. Today, I found out that I'm signed up to really produce, and fast.

March -- Chapter I
April -- Chapter II
May -- Chapter III

Defense August.

I feel like I've just been told I have 6 months to live. Or rather, at the end of 6 months it will be decided if I should live.

Words just cannot explain how nervous and utterly scared I am. I'm really, really scared.

Yet... at the same time... there's this weird sense of relief at having an "end" in sight. There's a strange sense in which I also want to celebrate if it means this long, long labor might be over in half a year. But that sense doesn't quite compete with the mental trauma right now. AHHH! Holy crap!

Seriously, how do I do this?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????
??????????????????????????????????????????????????

4 comments:

Lora V. said...

Hang in there, Tamhead! We're all rooting for you!

BTW, now that I have my car back, I'll see if I can't get your collage in the mail tomorrow.

vesperstar said...

Thanks Lora for your encouraging words. And I'd love my collage, that would be super cool... see, I'm reduced to sounding like a buffoon. Do I send the check directly to you?

I'm glad you got your car back, and it sounds like they dealt fairly with you about it. That's always a good thing.

Thanks again... I'm just going to go scream into a pillow now.

lutheranchick said...

Sending good thoughts your way.

vesperstar said...

Thanks Lutheranchick. :)