Burley Controversies

"In response to last week's comment regarding the long winded man and the golf ball. I am the man he is referring to" (page 6).

So begins the "Sound Off" page of the Burley Weekly Mailer. Since the South Idaho Press (SIP) went out of business, I suppose this weekly publication gives Burley citizens a chance to have their voices heard. Mostly, this week at least, saying very silly things.

Mr. Long Winded goes on to write a diatribe over four columns in length. He's complaining about not being called upon at a city council meeting, in which he raised his hand and was ignored. The council decided "to pay for damage done to a private vehicle on public city property by a private citizen on public city property" (6). Perhaps the snide among us see some ways that sentence could be edited. Anyway, he was going to tell the city council that paying would set a dangerous precedent. He offered to pay the $300.00 dollars himself and flashed a golf ball around to underscore his point. (Apparently a car was damaged by a golf ball). Then he goes on to defend himself against someone who apparently complained about him in the previous week's Mailer:

"What I find most interesting about this personal attack towards me in the paper is that the 'Burley Citizen's' real intent is not a commentary on the golf ball but rather a long standing grudge about my personal financial situation and my company's lease of the former 'Rite Aid' building. I am truly sorry that this person is carrying around a grudge all this time against me, cankering their soul. I seriously doubt they really know the depths of my pockets (my own wife doesn't even know), and how much meat is in my 'bluster' as they called it. Jealousy is a dangerous thing Mr./Mrs. Burley Citizen. Luckily I don't take my mood meter from anonymous sound off writing individuals" (6). -Brek Pilling

Also of great concern in Burley are the new flower pots that line Overland. Helen Bowcut wrote to express her delight in "the beautiful flowers in the big cement containers" (6). Apparently, "They really give Overland a new look and something to enjoy driving through town" (6). Helen concludes with a big "Hooray!" (6). Most everyone else thinks the flowers are a waste. I've heard from family sources they cost $28,000 and will cost $6,000 to replant each year.

The Mailer is also obviously a place to voice random jabs at the opposite sex: "Happy in Burley got it right about men. I really like Dolly Parton's take on men: You can always tell when a man is in love, he's getting ready to divorce his wife" (6). -Twice divorced and kept the kids in Burley

Finally, we end with the terrible news that tyrants dwell in little Burley. The worst sort of tyrants-- evil, mean, down right despotic-- "karaoke tyrants"!!!! An adult guitar student of Marcus Meek writes: "I find it sad and disgusting that the karaoke tyrants at the Cassia County Fair will not allow him to provide a venue for his students (some of them are your children) to showcase the efforts they have worked so hard for. It is time for there to be something other than a whining drug store cowboy 'singing' his rendition of our favorite songs" (6).

This is followed by a letter from Mr. Marcus Meek himself. He argues his students have performed at such prestigious events as "the Heyburn 4th of July celebration, Declo Days, Rupert Square, and for the Wilson Theatre Christmas Show" (8). So why aren't they good enough for the Cassia County Fair? After all, his students "can be as much as 12% of Burley's population" (8). Humm... maybe the problem would be having 12% of Burley's population all playing guitars?

Anyway, Mr. Meek also addresses the fiendish karaoke brutes (or make that brute): "One person has control of nearly every musical event for the entire week and promotes mostly karaoke. This is not the American way" (8).

While karaoke may not be the American way, fortunately, Mr. Meek is here to remind us what is at least the Burley way: "My kids have learned good, tasteful music, and I'm now old papa bear fighting for them on this issue" (8).

Thank you Burley.