Envy and love

Going through the Divine Comedy again. What does it say about me that my favorite tends to be the Purgatorio? The Paradiso is certainly grand and lovely, but something about the earthly Purgatorio attracts my feeling more. Perhaps it's because I don't know what it's like to live in perfection; I only know what it is to strive to be better.

At the center of each, the Inferno, Purgatorio, and Paradiso, Dante calls attention to a key concept about that place. In hell the center is a vast void, basically following the line of thinking that sin is a "lack" of goodness; it is emptiness. Sin makes humans less (which is basically the premise of all the souls in hell; they have chosen to be less than what God created in them). When we sin, we decrease our humanity and our potential.

At the center of the Purgatorio is one of my favorite concepts from the Divine Comedy, something quite reflective of human nature. Up the spiral of Purgatory, as the sinners repent for their flaws in life, they must work their way through the seven sins, or whichever applied to them. The souls in life that were envious repent by having their eyes sewn shut. (That's not the part I believe). But the point about sewing their eyes shut is so they cannot see and be envious of others. Envy or "invidia" is better understood in Dante as wishing others misfortune or feeling ill will toward someone. It can be in terms of material things or immaterial. For example, if I felt envious of someone's new car, I would secretly wish for it to have problems. Then I would experience satisfaction and perhaps even joy at the bad luck of the buyer. That's envy. And to Dante, it is one of the darkest sins because it wishes for pain and failure in the world.

The sinners doing penance for envy cure their hearts by feeling charity or love toward others. The antidote for envy is good will. It is a focus on what can be shared and increased, rather than what is limited and depleted. I may want a new car for myself, but if someone else gets one and I don't, I do not wish any harm toward the person. I am happy for him or her. I do not see another's gain as a failure to myself. I realize that life is not a zero sum game where I am trying to win while everyone else loses. Instead, feeling charity tends to focus on things that are increased by giving. Knowledge and love are two things that do not diminish when you share them. If you teach someone something, you don't lose what you knew. Instead two people now have that valuable information. And as with love and affection, the more you give, the more is created and even returned to you. That's the dynamic of charity and the dynamic of moving toward heaven. It's something I wish was more common in the world.

Jonathan

Jonathan,

You are such a sweetheart. I love you so much son. Recently you've been surprising me everyday with something new you learn. Today we opened one of your books and you pointed to the letter "O" and said "O." Then you went and found the blue "O" from your alphabet mat and brought it to me. All of this happened with no prompting or asking from me. I just hope I can nurture all your curiosity and wonder about the world. I hope you'll always love learning new things Jonathan.

I also wanted to record some of the things we do on a random day. Today you woke up at 6:00 a.m., which is pretty normal. Usually it's between 5:30 and 6:20 a.m. I brought you into the big bed from your crib. You like to lie down between Daddy and I for a few hugs in the morning. You also love to pull on my bra straps, and say "BoBra" or "Brabra." That's usually how you wake up and go to sleep now that you're weaned. It's pretty funny. But sometimes I wish your Dad could put on a bra to give me a break from all the strap pulling and tugging.

After snuggles you usually crawl off the bed by yourself to watch Dad go downstairs, laughing and waving until you can't see him anymore, and then crying or fussing to go downstairs too. So we do. Today it was raining. When Dad opens the door, you usually want to go outside. Today we played on the porch with your trucks and some paper. I balled up scraps of the paper, and you loaded them into the truck bed. Eventually you threw them down the stairs & all over the place. Then we had breakfast and watched a little Super Readers together; you sat on my lap. We read and played ball a little. You played with your toys and chased cats. You ran and hid in your tent. Your toy train came to find you. This was very hilarious, and you laughed. We watched the fire truck video on Youtube that you love. We went outside and walked in the alley. We played in the garden a little, but it was quite muddy. Then we went out front and ran up and down the hill. You splashed in a puddle and enjoyed it when I splashed too. You rolled yourself down the hill over and over.

I was getting tired by this point and got your stroller. Within two or three blocks you were asleep. I carried you up to your bed. You had a short nap of an hour and a half today. Some days you sleep three hours, but most days two hours. After your nap you were in a happy mood, so we played with toys and stuff in your room. You got into the closet and reorganized the wrapping paper. We read stories on the big bed. We played with beads. Then it was lunch time. You ate an egg and some cereal & milk. We played and played and then your Dad came home. You helped Dad bring in the groceries and unload the dishwasher. You ate a good dinner and went to sleep with only a little bra pulling and tossing around at 8:30 tonight. Now you and your Dad are sleeping, and I'm thinking that's not a bad idea.

I love you, Your rather tired Mommy.

J.D.'s Victory at 'Ard Boyz

J.D. recently won round two of the 'Ard Boyz Tournament. He placed first at both rounds. He got a 3,000 point army for winning and a ticket to Minnesota for the final round. Go Ogre Kingdoms!

The Cutest Cardinal

Saturday, May 14, 2011 we did the heart walk at Busch Stadium. The best part was walking the track with Jonathan. He was dancing, waving at people, and generally having fun.

I think he looks like the pitcher in this shot. He has that determined gleam in his eye and seems to be sizing up his competition. J.D. pointed out, he also has the long pitcher hair out of his cap, which is *much* cuter on Jonathan than most pitchers.

Father and son.

Here is Jonathan dancing. (Also my five and a half months pregnant self).

We're having a baby GIRL!

We're having a girl! Here are some of the ultrasound images from yesterday May 6, 2011. We are really thrilled around here. J.D. and I are so lucky to have Jonathan and this little girl on the way.

Everything looked good. Her heartbeat was 160 bpm. She touched her ear with her tiny fingers while we were watching and rubbed the back of one of her legs with her opposite foot.

After the ultrasound we went to a play date for Jonathan with his buddy Wyatt. Then we went shopping, and I had to buy something pink. :)

We ended the busy day by working outside. I planted some marigolds and petunias while Jonathan splashed happily in his water table, and J.D. raked leaves.