Teenage Crime Wave

So, something a little light-hearted, I guess. J.D. watched an MST3K episode with me yesterday because he knows I love them, and we haven't laughed in a while. We learned that teenagers in the 1950s all had terrible, horrible parents. Actually, that's the plot point of almost every teenager movie I think MST3K satirized, so it must have been a common theme. We also saw Teenage Strangler tonight but it's just BAD, not much to save there. Anyway, back to Crime Wave, so what you may ask, did this crime wave involve?

Intro scene: Hot Tomata, picks up a "doughy guy" in a bar and then her boyfriend attempts, rather stupidly, to rob him. Boyfriend escapes, she does not. Miss Innocent-knickers, another girl on a blind date (and Hot Tomata's friend) also gets caught. She immediately tells the police everything, but her parents denounce her, and she is shipped off to all girl-on-girl prison complete with pillow fights and hair pulling in slips and brassieres. The two are ultimately transferred to another place, which evidently requires driving for miles and miles in the country, when befuddled boyfriend shows up and rescues them. They then hide out in a farmhouse with an old guy, his wife, and their 27 year old son, home from college for Thanksgiving. Oh, the insanity.

Most of the movie happens in the family's living room while Dad reads the Bible out loud. One of the best cracks is when the father is interrupted during his New Testament reading and (I think it's Crow) says "You interrupted me. Now I'm going to have to start over.... 'In the beginning....'"

Security Guard Reminisces...

"I used to be Robert Frost, ya know."


--From Hobgoblins, MST3K version.

Today's film: Hobgoblins is an 1980s teenage terror flick. So were is the terror; well, the terror is all over the place, like an exploding can of cheese. What's not to be afraid of here? Can't you feel the suspense created by the gloomy old guy? Additional (more genuine) horror is provided by the "front yard, big-stick fight" where two teenagers spar off with a rake and a gardening hoe. If that doesn't scare you, then the scenes at "Club Scum" certainly will.

Puma Man Quiz: Based on the MST3K Movie

Do you ever get the feeling that you are descended from a long line of space-alien gods riding around in a spaceship that looks like a giant Christmas ornament?

Do you ever show up for work at the local Museum of Natural History in your gym shorts and then get thrown from the third floor window by an Aztec high priest?

Is your nemesis fond of black pleather, and he keeps creepy doll heads of all his "mind control" victims in his lair?

When "flying" do you flail your arms, thrash your body around, and generally flounder at a 60 degree angle?

Do you whine and throw a hissy fit at the suggestion of doing anything heroic? And when finally dragged into combat with evil-doers, do you just let the Aztec guy do most of the actual fighting?

Among your moderately to highly lame super powers, are you best at "playing dead"?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you just may be a Puma Man.

Danger!! Death Ray

Today's MST3K is the charming and timeless Danger!! Death Ray.

How beautifully those two exclamation points in the title accomplish the subtle effect of foreshadowing. Indeed, one might mistake a "Death Ray" for something that does not involve excitement or even "Danger," for that matter. It's so good of them to clarify the true nature of this death ray. Truly, this title delivers the clarity lacking in more implicit phrasing. In fact, the exclamation points are my favorite part of the title because if one is good, surely two exlamation marks are even better!!!!!

Actually, this film has one of my all-time favorite scenes. But describing it seems to do little justice. Suffice it to say that the main character's name is "Bart Fargo."

Try quickly saying that a couple times!

Bart Fargo
Bart Fargo
Bart Fargo
Bart Fargo
Bart Fargo

Quiet day. Pad Thai for lunch. Operation Double 007 for entertainment, with Sean Connery's brother "Neal" Connery. Hilarious. Favorite line of the MST3K commentary: "Come on guys, you should be able to hit him; he's only NEAL."

I love the absurd humor provided by sarcastic commentary & bad movies.