Just when you thought it was safe to read the newspaper. Today in the delightful Times-News, Twin Falls appeared a section called "Law & Disorder... in Cassia County."
"From June 18 police reports: Driving under the influence: Police responded to Annie's Saloon in Albion regarding a fight. The primary suspect, Cory Wayne Allen, 43, of Burley, was pulled over for various alleged traffic infractions. 'Mr. Allen had urinated in his pants and had blood on the top of his head and on his hands. His shirt was ripped on the left shoulder and the buttons were pulled off,' Deputy Wayne Winder's report reads: 'I asked how he got the blood on his hands and face and he said he did not have blood on his hands or face. I began to instruct Mr. Allen in the start position for gaze nystagmus test and he told me to just arrest him.'
He was arrested for excessive driving under the influence. His breath tests indicated results of .248 and .243, the report notes, well above the .08 legal blood-alcohol content limit. The fight, according to witness statements in the report, involved Allen calling a woman a whore, then throwing her on the ground by her hair and hitting her before, after several people attempted to intervene, punching the woman's mother in the face."
I typed the story exactly as it appears. I'm not sure if the other people tried to help before or after he threw the woman on the floor or exactly when he punched her mother in the face. But now all of Burley knows Mr. Allen is a big jerk who beats up women and peed his pants. Apparently also cops are not fond of ontological arguments concerning the reality of blood on one's hands and face. I also like how he was "arrested for excessive driving." J.D. suggested that this sort of thing happens everywhere, but it just gets attention here. I agree to an extent. But I also find it entertaining that the Twin Falls paper has a special section on "Cassia County" crime.
Also appearing in "Law and Disorder" was a story about two 49-year-old men stealing bicycles from Wal-Mart. They were going to sell four of them for $100. "One of the arrested men, according to Deputy Kenny Emery's report, said his accomplice was 'up to no good' and promised to testify against him. Regardless, both men were arrested."
I'm impressed he was flipping on his partner before they even got to jail.
Showing posts with label silly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label silly. Show all posts
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Burley Controversies
"In response to last week's comment regarding the long winded man and the golf ball. I am the man he is referring to" (page 6).
So begins the "Sound Off" page of the Burley Weekly Mailer. Since the South Idaho Press (SIP) went out of business, I suppose this weekly publication gives Burley citizens a chance to have their voices heard. Mostly, this week at least, saying very silly things.
Mr. Long Winded goes on to write a diatribe over four columns in length. He's complaining about not being called upon at a city council meeting, in which he raised his hand and was ignored. The council decided "to pay for damage done to a private vehicle on public city property by a private citizen on public city property" (6). Perhaps the snide among us see some ways that sentence could be edited. Anyway, he was going to tell the city council that paying would set a dangerous precedent. He offered to pay the $300.00 dollars himself and flashed a golf ball around to underscore his point. (Apparently a car was damaged by a golf ball). Then he goes on to defend himself against someone who apparently complained about him in the previous week's Mailer:
"What I find most interesting about this personal attack towards me in the paper is that the 'Burley Citizen's' real intent is not a commentary on the golf ball but rather a long standing grudge about my personal financial situation and my company's lease of the former 'Rite Aid' building. I am truly sorry that this person is carrying around a grudge all this time against me, cankering their soul. I seriously doubt they really know the depths of my pockets (my own wife doesn't even know), and how much meat is in my 'bluster' as they called it. Jealousy is a dangerous thing Mr./Mrs. Burley Citizen. Luckily I don't take my mood meter from anonymous sound off writing individuals" (6). -Brek Pilling
Also of great concern in Burley are the new flower pots that line Overland. Helen Bowcut wrote to express her delight in "the beautiful flowers in the big cement containers" (6). Apparently, "They really give Overland a new look and something to enjoy driving through town" (6). Helen concludes with a big "Hooray!" (6). Most everyone else thinks the flowers are a waste. I've heard from family sources they cost $28,000 and will cost $6,000 to replant each year.
The Mailer is also obviously a place to voice random jabs at the opposite sex: "Happy in Burley got it right about men. I really like Dolly Parton's take on men: You can always tell when a man is in love, he's getting ready to divorce his wife" (6). -Twice divorced and kept the kids in Burley
Finally, we end with the terrible news that tyrants dwell in little Burley. The worst sort of tyrants-- evil, mean, down right despotic-- "karaoke tyrants"!!!! An adult guitar student of Marcus Meek writes: "I find it sad and disgusting that the karaoke tyrants at the Cassia County Fair will not allow him to provide a venue for his students (some of them are your children) to showcase the efforts they have worked so hard for. It is time for there to be something other than a whining drug store cowboy 'singing' his rendition of our favorite songs" (6).
This is followed by a letter from Mr. Marcus Meek himself. He argues his students have performed at such prestigious events as "the Heyburn 4th of July celebration, Declo Days, Rupert Square, and for the Wilson Theatre Christmas Show" (8). So why aren't they good enough for the Cassia County Fair? After all, his students "can be as much as 12% of Burley's population" (8). Humm... maybe the problem would be having 12% of Burley's population all playing guitars?
Anyway, Mr. Meek also addresses the fiendish karaoke brutes (or make that brute): "One person has control of nearly every musical event for the entire week and promotes mostly karaoke. This is not the American way" (8).
While karaoke may not be the American way, fortunately, Mr. Meek is here to remind us what is at least the Burley way: "My kids have learned good, tasteful music, and I'm now old papa bear fighting for them on this issue" (8).
Thank you Burley.
So begins the "Sound Off" page of the Burley Weekly Mailer. Since the South Idaho Press (SIP) went out of business, I suppose this weekly publication gives Burley citizens a chance to have their voices heard. Mostly, this week at least, saying very silly things.
Mr. Long Winded goes on to write a diatribe over four columns in length. He's complaining about not being called upon at a city council meeting, in which he raised his hand and was ignored. The council decided "to pay for damage done to a private vehicle on public city property by a private citizen on public city property" (6). Perhaps the snide among us see some ways that sentence could be edited. Anyway, he was going to tell the city council that paying would set a dangerous precedent. He offered to pay the $300.00 dollars himself and flashed a golf ball around to underscore his point. (Apparently a car was damaged by a golf ball). Then he goes on to defend himself against someone who apparently complained about him in the previous week's Mailer:
"What I find most interesting about this personal attack towards me in the paper is that the 'Burley Citizen's' real intent is not a commentary on the golf ball but rather a long standing grudge about my personal financial situation and my company's lease of the former 'Rite Aid' building. I am truly sorry that this person is carrying around a grudge all this time against me, cankering their soul. I seriously doubt they really know the depths of my pockets (my own wife doesn't even know), and how much meat is in my 'bluster' as they called it. Jealousy is a dangerous thing Mr./Mrs. Burley Citizen. Luckily I don't take my mood meter from anonymous sound off writing individuals" (6). -Brek Pilling
Also of great concern in Burley are the new flower pots that line Overland. Helen Bowcut wrote to express her delight in "the beautiful flowers in the big cement containers" (6). Apparently, "They really give Overland a new look and something to enjoy driving through town" (6). Helen concludes with a big "Hooray!" (6). Most everyone else thinks the flowers are a waste. I've heard from family sources they cost $28,000 and will cost $6,000 to replant each year.
The Mailer is also obviously a place to voice random jabs at the opposite sex: "Happy in Burley got it right about men. I really like Dolly Parton's take on men: You can always tell when a man is in love, he's getting ready to divorce his wife" (6). -Twice divorced and kept the kids in Burley
Finally, we end with the terrible news that tyrants dwell in little Burley. The worst sort of tyrants-- evil, mean, down right despotic-- "karaoke tyrants"!!!! An adult guitar student of Marcus Meek writes: "I find it sad and disgusting that the karaoke tyrants at the Cassia County Fair will not allow him to provide a venue for his students (some of them are your children) to showcase the efforts they have worked so hard for. It is time for there to be something other than a whining drug store cowboy 'singing' his rendition of our favorite songs" (6).
This is followed by a letter from Mr. Marcus Meek himself. He argues his students have performed at such prestigious events as "the Heyburn 4th of July celebration, Declo Days, Rupert Square, and for the Wilson Theatre Christmas Show" (8). So why aren't they good enough for the Cassia County Fair? After all, his students "can be as much as 12% of Burley's population" (8). Humm... maybe the problem would be having 12% of Burley's population all playing guitars?
Anyway, Mr. Meek also addresses the fiendish karaoke brutes (or make that brute): "One person has control of nearly every musical event for the entire week and promotes mostly karaoke. This is not the American way" (8).
While karaoke may not be the American way, fortunately, Mr. Meek is here to remind us what is at least the Burley way: "My kids have learned good, tasteful music, and I'm now old papa bear fighting for them on this issue" (8).
Thank you Burley.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Oh, sweet Fugly and Pugly!
-Introducing our Future Children-
Last night we went to D&B to get rid of a bunch of tickets. We ended up leaving with even more. J.D. kept winning at their Trivia Game, and we didn't want any of the junk they were selling like rubber frogs, gasoline pump alarm clocks, singing donkeys, or t-shirts.
Anyway, while at D&B we did the face morph machine to predict what our children might look like. Here they are. We affectionately call them Fugly and Pugly. :)
Although, I have to say, this machine has come a LONG way since 2002 when we tried it the first time. Back then the little girl had J.D.'s facial hair! This time, she didn't get that. But neither of us can figure out where she got those pointed ears??? (Is J.D. 1/16th Elf or something. . . maybe that explains his fantasy realm addiction)?
J.D. likes the girl. I like the boy. I think he looks like a sweet, chipper little guy. He also looks a bit like Chad at that age. (He has the Watterson nose, which is cute on kids... silly little button nose).
And P.S. I would NEVER make any little girl wear a side ponytail! How cruel!
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Hopeless Romantic
I've tried to fight my cheesy Romantic side, but I just can't. So, I might as well embrace it. I'm hopeless. :) I have a tendency to dream big, but I also really do appreciate simple, thoughtful gestures and find them at times the most romantic.
Romance index (online quiz)
My score: 91 /100
"According to your score, you are romance typified! Rose petals, poignant poetry, tall glasses of wine, touching moments, and sweet words are all loving gestures that you love to receive as well as offer. Romance is very important to you, and quite likely an aspect that you consider fundamental in relationships. Keep in mind however, that problems may arise if you are with someone who really isn’t the romantic type. If you look forward to Valentine's Day to express your love and your partner doesn't even acknowledge it as a special day, you might end up feeling neglected or your efforts unappreciated. Nevertheless, even if your partner isn't as romantically inclined as you are, try to be appreciative of his/her efforts when she/he does try to woo you. Some people aren’t comfortable displaying their affection in screamingly obvious ways, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t care – they simply prefer to be more subtle. Whether it’s you or your partner who is doing the romancing, check out the ideas in the Advice section for some simple and sweet romantic gestures that aren’t tough on the wallet or too overwhelming."
Romance index (online quiz)
My score: 91 /100
"According to your score, you are romance typified! Rose petals, poignant poetry, tall glasses of wine, touching moments, and sweet words are all loving gestures that you love to receive as well as offer. Romance is very important to you, and quite likely an aspect that you consider fundamental in relationships. Keep in mind however, that problems may arise if you are with someone who really isn’t the romantic type. If you look forward to Valentine's Day to express your love and your partner doesn't even acknowledge it as a special day, you might end up feeling neglected or your efforts unappreciated. Nevertheless, even if your partner isn't as romantically inclined as you are, try to be appreciative of his/her efforts when she/he does try to woo you. Some people aren’t comfortable displaying their affection in screamingly obvious ways, but this doesn’t mean that they don’t care – they simply prefer to be more subtle. Whether it’s you or your partner who is doing the romancing, check out the ideas in the Advice section for some simple and sweet romantic gestures that aren’t tough on the wallet or too overwhelming."
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I'd rather have this here
I'm in the process of taking personal notes off Facebook. I'm going to stay away from that thing. I'll just keep this for J.D. and me because it amuses us. After all, my blog is basically just for us-- and our closest friends and family members anyway. :)
Tammy's answers about J.D.:
1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Usually a DVD, he'd love it to be Blue-Ray, something like Office Space, Batman, maybe Dexter.
2. You're out to eat, what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? He'll request Roquefort, but inevitably they will say "we have Blue Cheese." He'll order Ranch at that point.
3. What's one food he doesn't like? My favorite stinky cheese.
4. You go out to eat what kind of drink would he have? I'll order first, diet whatever. He'll order Sprite if they serve Coke products or Pepsi otherwise. At a nice dinner, usually red wine.
5. Where did he go to high school? Nampa High School -- Bull Dogs.
6. What size shoe does he wear? 11 in dress 12 in tennis shoes.
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Models, movies and music.
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? At home PBJ, out to eat Reuben.
9. What would this person eat every day if he could? Totino's Pizzas and Pepsi.
10. What is his favorite cereal? Honey Nut Cheerios.
11. What would he never wear? He'd never wear any goofy tie.
12. What is his favorite sports team? Baseball, Pirates. Football, 49ers. Hates: Yankees, Cowboys.
13. Who did he vote for? Obama, in both the primary and general election.
14. Who is his best friend? Me. :)
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? Ask if I can tickle him. On our 50th Anniversary I get to tickle him, but I always try to sneak it in before then. Also, I tend to leave time on the microwave or open the screen door with my elbow.
16. What is his heritage? English & Danish / German / Iberian.
17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? Carrot cake.
18. Did he play sports in high school? I think Track a little, definitely Tennis.
19. What could he spend hours doing? World of Warcraft.
20. What is one unique talent he has? He's fantastic at strategy games.
J.D.'s answers about Tammy:
1. She's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Whatever nonchildren show is on PBS. (except concerts by Pink Floyd).
2. You're out to eat, what kind of dressing does she get on her salad? She usually has ranch on the side.
3. What's one food she doesn't like? Coconut.
4. You go out to eat what kind of drink would she have? Diet ..., or white wine.
5. Where did she go to high school? Burley High School, the Bobcats.
6. What size shoe does she wear? Depending on brand, 8 1/2 or a 9.
7. If she was to collect anything, what would it be? Dolls.
8. What is her favorite type of sandwich? French dip.
9. What would this person eat every day if she could? Watermelon
10. What is her favorite cereal? Captain Crunch.
11. What would she never wear? A strapless dress. :-(
12. What is her favorite sports team? Baseball, Cardinals. Football, Bears.
13. Who did she vote for? Obama, in both the primary and general election.
14. Who is her best friend? Me. :-)
15. What is something you do that she wishes you wouldn't do? Play WoW. She's broken me of most other bad habits.
16. What is her heritage? Gaul, Danish, and English.
17. You bake her a cake for her birthday; what kind of cake? Fruit torte.
18. Did she play sports in high school? Academic Decathlon.
19. What could she spend hours doing? Scrapbooking, talking with friends & family, SIMS
20. What is one unique talent he has? All kids love Tammy instantly.
Tammy's answers about J.D.:
1. He's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Usually a DVD, he'd love it to be Blue-Ray, something like Office Space, Batman, maybe Dexter.
2. You're out to eat, what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? He'll request Roquefort, but inevitably they will say "we have Blue Cheese." He'll order Ranch at that point.
3. What's one food he doesn't like? My favorite stinky cheese.
4. You go out to eat what kind of drink would he have? I'll order first, diet whatever. He'll order Sprite if they serve Coke products or Pepsi otherwise. At a nice dinner, usually red wine.
5. Where did he go to high school? Nampa High School -- Bull Dogs.
6. What size shoe does he wear? 11 in dress 12 in tennis shoes.
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? Models, movies and music.
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? At home PBJ, out to eat Reuben.
9. What would this person eat every day if he could? Totino's Pizzas and Pepsi.
10. What is his favorite cereal? Honey Nut Cheerios.
11. What would he never wear? He'd never wear any goofy tie.
12. What is his favorite sports team? Baseball, Pirates. Football, 49ers. Hates: Yankees, Cowboys.
13. Who did he vote for? Obama, in both the primary and general election.
14. Who is his best friend? Me. :)
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? Ask if I can tickle him. On our 50th Anniversary I get to tickle him, but I always try to sneak it in before then. Also, I tend to leave time on the microwave or open the screen door with my elbow.
16. What is his heritage? English & Danish / German / Iberian.
17. You bake him a cake for his birthday; what kind of cake? Carrot cake.
18. Did he play sports in high school? I think Track a little, definitely Tennis.
19. What could he spend hours doing? World of Warcraft.
20. What is one unique talent he has? He's fantastic at strategy games.
J.D.'s answers about Tammy:
1. She's sitting in front of the TV, what is on the screen? Whatever nonchildren show is on PBS. (except concerts by Pink Floyd).
2. You're out to eat, what kind of dressing does she get on her salad? She usually has ranch on the side.
3. What's one food she doesn't like? Coconut.
4. You go out to eat what kind of drink would she have? Diet ..., or white wine.
5. Where did she go to high school? Burley High School, the Bobcats.
6. What size shoe does she wear? Depending on brand, 8 1/2 or a 9.
7. If she was to collect anything, what would it be? Dolls.
8. What is her favorite type of sandwich? French dip.
9. What would this person eat every day if she could? Watermelon
10. What is her favorite cereal? Captain Crunch.
11. What would she never wear? A strapless dress. :-(
12. What is her favorite sports team? Baseball, Cardinals. Football, Bears.
13. Who did she vote for? Obama, in both the primary and general election.
14. Who is her best friend? Me. :-)
15. What is something you do that she wishes you wouldn't do? Play WoW. She's broken me of most other bad habits.
16. What is her heritage? Gaul, Danish, and English.
17. You bake her a cake for her birthday; what kind of cake? Fruit torte.
18. Did she play sports in high school? Academic Decathlon.
19. What could she spend hours doing? Scrapbooking, talking with friends & family, SIMS
20. What is one unique talent he has? All kids love Tammy instantly.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Happy Everything!
Well, it will be awhile before any more posts. So, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Jolly Kwanzaa, Glad Eid-al-Adha, Feliz Navidad, Joyful Solstice, Copacetic Saturnalia,* Amusing Eat a Oatmeal Muffin Day, and very Blessed Festivus! Much Love to All. -- J.D. and Tammy
*Credit to Catherine for reminding me about Solstice and Saturnalia!
Camping Out at Home
Tonight the power went off. (We've had a lot of freezing rain and snow). Fortunately, we have a ton of candles, so we went around busily lighting them in every room.
We just had to keep an eye on Athena, who liked sticking her nose close to the flame. She liked one pine scented candle best. I would pick her up and carry her away, only to have her run right back to it. Once when I picked her up, she had a slightly singed smell. J.D. thought I was exaggerating until he walked by and smelled it too. (She's ok). I'm not sure why that particular candle was so fascinating to her.
Anyway, then we decided it was time for dinner. J.D. cooked spaghetti over the gas stove while I washed some dishes, and we listened to Sister Souljah talking about her new book on my little portable radio. Funny. When the lights came back on, after about 30 minutes, J.D. looked at me, sighed, and said he was having fun. So, we turned all the lights off again and kept cooking in the dark! :) I do love you J.D.
We just had to keep an eye on Athena, who liked sticking her nose close to the flame. She liked one pine scented candle best. I would pick her up and carry her away, only to have her run right back to it. Once when I picked her up, she had a slightly singed smell. J.D. thought I was exaggerating until he walked by and smelled it too. (She's ok). I'm not sure why that particular candle was so fascinating to her.
Anyway, then we decided it was time for dinner. J.D. cooked spaghetti over the gas stove while I washed some dishes, and we listened to Sister Souljah talking about her new book on my little portable radio. Funny. When the lights came back on, after about 30 minutes, J.D. looked at me, sighed, and said he was having fun. So, we turned all the lights off again and kept cooking in the dark! :) I do love you J.D.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Laughing at myself
I got this notice today from the library about a book I haven't read yet.
"The following item will be due soon:
Procrastination : Why You Do It."
"The following item will be due soon:
Procrastination : Why You Do It."
Monday, December 8, 2008
Why I'm not in the Construction business
Since having back pain this fall, I've started going to a chiropractor on a regular basis. Today we were laughing about his misadventures in getting a room built onto their home for their newborn daughter.
It started when he noticed that the contractor had left a gap of weird empty space (about an inch) between an old and new wall. He said, "What about this gap? Are you going to fill it or do something with it?" The contractor hadn't noticed the gap. His real reply was that he would fix it.
I said the more entertaining thing would be to say it was symbolic and represented the void in one's life. Pretending to be the contractor: "We were all pretty depressed that day."
But this is just my absurd humor, in which I find it delightful to think of a contractor going around building false walls as a philosophic statement.
At least there would be a reason for a job done badly! :)
It started when he noticed that the contractor had left a gap of weird empty space (about an inch) between an old and new wall. He said, "What about this gap? Are you going to fill it or do something with it?" The contractor hadn't noticed the gap. His real reply was that he would fix it.
I said the more entertaining thing would be to say it was symbolic and represented the void in one's life. Pretending to be the contractor: "We were all pretty depressed that day."
But this is just my absurd humor, in which I find it delightful to think of a contractor going around building false walls as a philosophic statement.
At least there would be a reason for a job done badly! :)
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Tiger Balm...grrrr
A little embarrassing story:
So, since I hurt my knee about a month ago, I've been wearing something called "Tiger Balm" -- it's a Chinese version of Bengay. (I hope it doesn't have too much lead in it). "Officially" it's a combination of camphor and menthol.
Anyway, I wore some of it to school. I was making photocopies and two girls came in the small room. One girl said, "Does it smell like cleaning supplies in here?" At first I had no idea what she was talking about. I said, "I don't smell anything." Then the other one said, "Yeah, I smell it too." And I thought... crap... it's my "Tiger Balm."
First girl: "I feel like I'm getting high off it."
Me thinking: "oh Great."
Second girl: "Yeah, it's really an herbal kind of smell; I wonder if we are getting high."
First one: "Maybe it's me."
Second one: "No, I don't think so."
Me thinking (rolling my eyes): "Good lord. So, I smell like herbal cleaning supplies! Deal with it!"
So, since I hurt my knee about a month ago, I've been wearing something called "Tiger Balm" -- it's a Chinese version of Bengay. (I hope it doesn't have too much lead in it). "Officially" it's a combination of camphor and menthol.
Anyway, I wore some of it to school. I was making photocopies and two girls came in the small room. One girl said, "Does it smell like cleaning supplies in here?" At first I had no idea what she was talking about. I said, "I don't smell anything." Then the other one said, "Yeah, I smell it too." And I thought... crap... it's my "Tiger Balm."
First girl: "I feel like I'm getting high off it."
Me thinking: "oh Great."
Second girl: "Yeah, it's really an herbal kind of smell; I wonder if we are getting high."
First one: "Maybe it's me."
Second one: "No, I don't think so."
Me thinking (rolling my eyes): "Good lord. So, I smell like herbal cleaning supplies! Deal with it!"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)