Freewrite

I don't know how this is going to come together. I've been watching stupid television and feeling lazy all day. So, I decided I just needed to write something, even something rambling, incomplete, ungrammatical, silly, and with mixed metaphors.

Upon finishing the translation of Things Past the other day, I had one of those rare but meaningful moments when I remember what it is I love. --Those moments when you're caught up in aesthetic completion, those moments some books make us feel. This book was such an immense labor of time, going through it. And while some passages along the way are vivid, lovely, and wonderful... there are also moments that annoy, as the character wallows in his possessive jealousy or recounts tales of casual sex with milk, bakery, and grocer "girls." (But, now I'm getting side-tracked). Because the experience was one of greater beauty, and lingering on the more annoying aspects makes me forget my larger point. The point is that I'm grateful to be able to appreciate this sort of work of art, to be able to see the bigger picture, to get aesthetic pleasure from a text.

Then there was Thanksgiving, and I began to realize that I should be thankful for who I am --. If you think about it, really, the odds of you being you and me being me were crazy. First, none of our ancestors had to die from plague or a dinosaur (Kentucky science) before some other ancestor of ours was born. Secondly, consider the odds we were up against even with the thousands of eggs and innumerable sperm.... (ok, I wander again). My point is that I'm ok with my own existence. I have been blessed with the ability to feel and experience some few things in unique ways. I don't mean to sound like an ass, although with the egoism involved in blogging, I'm afraid I probably come across that way a lot. (I really try not to). I think there are thousands of ways of appreciating beauty, and we're all given unique insights and ways to contribute to the whole. As an example, I wish I had some insight into the beauty of math. I know some individuals can see in numbers, formulas, and proofs a pleasurable pattern; they perceive a beauty I can only realize exists, but I do not get to personally experience. They have an insight with the universe that deepens it. They add to God's creation by adding to God's experience of her creation.

Many people understand the underlying aesthetic wonder of nature itself, of painting, of music --we all get glimpses of the undercurrents of beauty rippling through different dimensions of our world. We tap into the groundwater now and then, even if it's a short, shallow drink. Still the water is cool and refreshing. Our souls receive life and are enlarged. This is also the spiritual experience. This is also love and friendship. These are the cherished and wonderful things that we all hold very dear.

But to hear a beautiful sonata is only one level. Imagine being Mozart. There is the human working through layers of deeper connection to creativity itself. Bringing back that vision, that touching of the stars, to share with other hearts and minds, not given the direct involvement.

Still, each time someone new experiences a beautiful song or finds something worthy, it deepens the universe's memory and experience of it. What I'm also saying is that we don't have to be Mozart. Each time something beautiful is relived and recreated, we participate in the life of beauty, of the life of art, in life itself (whatever mysterious purpose it has). So, while I do not create works of art, I feel the current of beauty running through them, some more than others. And that is a blessing. It is a gift to get a sense of completion from a text that feels like more than the writer, more than the words, more than myself.

The other day I was reading about a technique where painters use two colors alongside each other to create the impression of a third color. The third color isn't "really" there-- but it's the combination of the two and the human mind's filtering of the experience that gives rise to something more than what simply meets the eye. I feel lucky to get moments of seeing the third color when I read. I think some of us have that wellspring, and while we may often be burdened by thinking so much about something, at times it loses all distinction and becomes a mere blur, we also get the pleasure of a level of understanding not small in its beauty.

This sense, this third color also emerges in our personal lives and relationships. It emerges in our friendships and in our marriages. Think of how in a marriage you become more than a single person; you become a couple. You're both still complete individuals (in good marriages) but a third quality emerges, and that is the quality of you two together. That aspect that comes through is love and the unique way your relationship develops and adds to this world. They say when people are married "two become one," but I see it a little differently. My math doesn't add up I suppose. 1 + 1 = 3 . Again, back to me not understanding math!

Now, I feel the need to step back. Certainly I am a little speck of dust. There are people much, much smarter, more creative, more insightful, more everything. But for my lump of clay, I contribute to God's experience of beautiful things and add my humble love and ecstatic excitement, at least every now and then. That is what I can hope for and can be happy to feel on occasion. To be ungrateful would be to diminish the generosity of a thoughtful gift.

I know too that I have friends that feel and understand similar experiences. I know they access similar points of beauty. I have friends that know more than I do and have deeper wells into areas I do not venture. Some of them participate in the living waters of knowledge, especially specialized areas, of music, or art, of different types of literature, of different languages, philosophies, and ideas. We each have our own way of uniquely experiencing beauty through, being, and beyond ourselves. And while we may not see them all, we can still celebrate them.