More insanity

Just when you thought it was safe to read the newspaper. Today in the delightful Times-News, Twin Falls appeared a section called "Law & Disorder... in Cassia County."

"From June 18 police reports: Driving under the influence: Police responded to Annie's Saloon in Albion regarding a fight. The primary suspect, Cory Wayne Allen, 43, of Burley, was pulled over for various alleged traffic infractions. 'Mr. Allen had urinated in his pants and had blood on the top of his head and on his hands. His shirt was ripped on the left shoulder and the buttons were pulled off,' Deputy Wayne Winder's report reads: 'I asked how he got the blood on his hands and face and he said he did not have blood on his hands or face. I began to instruct Mr. Allen in the start position for gaze nystagmus test and he told me to just arrest him.'

He was arrested for excessive driving under the influence. His breath tests indicated results of .248 and .243, the report notes, well above the .08 legal blood-alcohol content limit. The fight, according to witness statements in the report, involved Allen calling a woman a whore, then throwing her on the ground by her hair and hitting her before, after several people attempted to intervene, punching the woman's mother in the face."

I typed the story exactly as it appears. I'm not sure if the other people tried to help before or after he threw the woman on the floor or exactly when he punched her mother in the face. But now all of Burley knows Mr. Allen is a big jerk who beats up women and peed his pants. Apparently also cops are not fond of ontological arguments concerning the reality of blood on one's hands and face. I also like how he was "arrested for excessive driving." J.D. suggested that this sort of thing happens everywhere, but it just gets attention here. I agree to an extent. But I also find it entertaining that the Twin Falls paper has a special section on "Cassia County" crime.

Also appearing in "Law and Disorder" was a story about two 49-year-old men stealing bicycles from Wal-Mart. They were going to sell four of them for $100. "One of the arrested men, according to Deputy Kenny Emery's report, said his accomplice was 'up to no good' and promised to testify against him. Regardless, both men were arrested."

I'm impressed he was flipping on his partner before they even got to jail.