My-opia

I need new glasses. I've had this pair for 7 years now. I've been trying to decide if I should get LASIK.

I probably should, but I sort of have my weird reasons for keeping glasses. First, I guess honestly I am afraid of having a laser shot into my eye. Although, I think what bugs me most is the thought of my eye clamped open. I always picture the strange torture device in Clockwork Orange. I know, it's not the same. Still, associations are powerful. My second reason is I also think about the unique way, and somewhat beautiful way, I can see the world when I take off my glasses. I might regret losing that. Maybe to restore my blurred vision I could just put on a pair of glasses, as people usually exclaim everything becomes a big haze when they look through my lenses. But I don't know. I think maybe none of us see the physical world in exactly the same way.

I remember the first time I looked through glasses. I was 5 years old. My mom took me to Dr. Fox, and while they told me I needed glasses, I cried and cried. I didn't want to be "a four-eyes." I recall the nurse trying to comfort me: "You shouldn't cry, there was a little girl in here just the other day who cried because she couldn't get glasses."

I knew that was a lie. No one would cry about not getting glasses.

But then, when they actually had me look through my new glasses, it was a world-transforming moment. I suddenly experienced the world as an entirely new, completely different place. I remember the feeling of shock and amazement that the world was not how I always thought it to be. This was a new world. I remember seeing my mom's face very clearly, how beautiful she looked. That's a powerful experience for a 5 year old.

Since then, I've always liked the idea that I can see the world two ways. I can see the distinction, clarity, and definiteness of the world when I put on my glasses. I can see far away, and I can participate in the world, recognize people from a distance, and generally go about a normal life, without falling off a cliff.

Yet, sometimes I like to take off my glasses and indulge my natural myopia. I like it at night, while J.D. is driving us somewhere. I'll just watch the world become a big blur, with car lights coming and going, into a steady stream of red and yellow. It's also lovely to look at water and the sky, where distinction becomes impossible. Myopia gives one a worldview were boundaries are themselves merely illusionary. It builds a vision of connection, cohesion, indistinctness, colors bleeding into each other, and a great sense of unity.

Recently, I watched a BBC production on Monet and the Impressionists. Perhaps I've always liked Impressionism because that's how I experienced the world my first 5 years. That's how I can see the world now, any time I wish. There's beauty even in what is considered by many a defect.

I also think perhaps it's good now and then to let our eyes and imaginations be stimulated by different visual sensations. Sometimes my blurry perceptions might be seeing more, rather than less, clearly.